Hugging her makes me tear. Hearing her voice makes my chest tight.
This time, next week.. What will I do?
The thought of not being her for a day is unimaginable, what's more ten months?
Some mornings, my parents wake me up at 7.30 am to sleep beside her while they go to work.
Some mornings, she goes, "Wake uppppppppppp!"
She picks what I wear in the morning.
We build our "residence" on the bed and in the car with pillow, bolster and blanket.
We have imaginary tea parties with Barbie, Barney, Teddy, Flower and Rosie.
I apply Tiger Balm on her mosquitto bites every other day.
We have a Bubble Tea Shop which trades money (Pokemon Cards) with flavoured bubble tea (Lego).
We watch "Barney - A night before Christmas" during Chinese New Year.
We sing along her favourite song, "Oh Christmas Tree".
She plays my hairdresser and "washes" (messing up) my hair.
She comes to me when my mother "scolds" her.
She hugs my thigh when a stranger is near.
She shivers when she urines.
We play teacher and student.
She likes to pretend to be a new born, held closely.
She fakes laughters and cries to get attention.
She poses for pictures.
She nestles around me most of the time.
"Kiss jie jie first, then I take that for you" is our common trade.
We empty and refill the piggy bank with syillings everyday and later wash our hands with our favourite soap.
Last night, we had each a drink, and I purposely took a sip from hers, she made it clear,
“這 是 姐 姐 的 （pointed at my drink) , 這 是 婷 婷 的(pointed at hers)， okay?"
I'm leaving this Sunday and the thought of not seeing her causes my eyes to swell.
She will not be coming to the airport as my mum and grandma would be leaving as well.
I would give her my tighest hug and then pretend to have a nature's call. And then I would leave silently.
She wouldn't even know that I have left. She would call out for me at home to no answer. She would do it everyday, until she gets used to the idea that I won't be there.
And maybe then, she will stop doing so.
I would cry my eyes out over there, like how I already am here, silently at night. I would miss her shrieks, cries, laughters, and her ever amusing, adorable behavior.
I would ponder on her life, her growth and her learning progress.
Maybe one day, I would get used to her absense and stop doing so.
But I don't want to be immuned to not being by her side.
And eventually when I'm back again,
no doubt, she wouldn't forget me,
but would she remember all these?
Will she still come to me?
PS. I love you.
3 comments:
so touching la ur post...
such sweet happy moments u all shared..she loves u and u loves her no doubt...imagine 5 years later when she can read..she reads this post..and she will cry..i bet 4 sure..
dont worry too much..malay proverb says,air dicincang tidak akan putus..perhaps this departure of you to aussie will in fact strengthen the relationship of u and her...
10 months later she will be running to u..hugging..kisses..exclaiming I MISS YOU JIE JIE
dont just think bout the saddening parts k...think 10 months later...stay cheerful..hehe
OMG!!! OMG. OMG.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
TING TING IS SO ADORABLE AND LOVING.
I seriously. Awwwww.
I cried a bit when I read that. I know how you feel! It will suck so much, but at least you'll still know that she is fine and being taken care of. That's important, right, knowing for sure that she's safe and happy. :) It's a great comfort.
You can do webcammy things every day, and send letters and parcels! It doesn't have to be totally depressing. It can be fun to plan and fill an package for her to enjoy. I'm sure there are lots of interesting stuff you can send home. Imagine her being all excited, 'got something from jie jie today!'
AND: You will always be able to come back to her!
She'll remember the things you do together; she won't forget so easily. You've spent so much time with her and she loves you so much, she'll remember the fun and times she has with you. I know for a fact that JY can recall all sorts of last-time activities and games I played with her. Some I don't remember myself.
When you come back she may not be exactly the same to you, but you will not be exactly the same either, you know? Maybe a little more grown up. Whatever. Thing is, you can 'rebuild' your relationship with her, enriched by your experiences.
Also, anything I can do to help you with this (cause I really understand, REALLY), I will.
I share so much with JY and we know each other so well, I think she is truly the only person who knows me best. When she's not being annoying or anything like that, I love her so much, it is so great just to know she is in my life. Srsly. So grateful that I'm blessed with my sister.
Of course in between I scream at her and she yells at me and angry ugly things happen. :)
The main reason I want to study in Singapore after college is so that I won't be too far away from her. Unbelievable, right. Yeah. I mean if I do incredibly well in college and get a scholarship to top unis (HAHAHA), I'll probably overcome this heartache and go to UK. :D
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH this sunday. Here's another person who's going to miss you badly.
-Ying
To mengs: really? she will miss me? well actually at home, she can continue getting endless attention from my family.. but will they play her little games? i shud train them right? only i play masak masak with her now. hmmm..
but for me, she gives me her full attention u know? so in aus.. i would be missing her terribly.. sigh.. though i hope wad u say will come true. strengthen our relationship..
Ying: LOL. wow.. now i truly understand ur special bond with JY. i guess it also comes with the age gap right? haha..
thanks for sharing.. what u said is definitely another perspective. the part where i know she will be well taken care of..
as for u, just put in ur very best, the results shall manifest themselves. be it uk or singapore, JY will be there for u, like u there for her.
So dear cousin, we shall keep things in email next..! and see u 2morow night..
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