How I wished..

I never knew I'd missed you so much. I thought I've adapted to life without you, because I've haven't been thinking of you much lately.

At one point of time, I've begun to wonder if it's because you've never existed in my childhood and only did a mere 3 years ago that you weren't significant enough. I feel like kicking myself hard now for even letting this thought crossed my mind, I should never have.

Until I heard your voice again, and the familiar, very much missed name you have for me, I was overwhelmed, all the emotions rushed back to me, the inexplicable tears.. I want to to hold you in my arms, like how we always do.

All this while, I've just pushed the thought of you away, I didn't want to think of missing you, nothing could be helped you know? Sometimes when I looked back at those pictures and videos, I hear myself chuckle at your seemingly innocent expressions. But sometimes I fabricate excuses to try to avoid things associated to you, unconsciously, I can't help it, it's so silly, after all, it doesn't change this circumstance.

I hate to think that I'd always be missing out on this stage of your life, having to forgo your first-times, our first-times.. and having to be so far way from you for years to come. It's never a pleasant thought, never. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if your impression of me next time would be of vague images in between many empty slots?


I miss you a lot, even if you don't comprehend now, I hope that one day you'd realize that I love you very much and I'd do all it takes to fill those empty slots up.


ps: I'm fine.