It's summer and it's been raining

..the day before yesterday, yesterday, today..

..and will be for the rest of next week..

**

While personally I love it when it rains
for the peace and security I feel now
ironically
it is peace and security that are taken away
with the Disaster the rains are creating elsewhere
depriving people of their homes, jobs and sanity
and for some, Life.

Reading the reports of death tolls, sacrifices and anxiety
and listening to personal accounts
send a chill down my spine.

Looking at the heavy downpour by my window
the garden never so green and alive.
Whoever have thought that it would be
this catastrophic just a state away?

**

Flashes of The Day After Tomorrow
are in my mind

A friend suggested Noah's Ark.


**

The rain won't last forever
The floods will subside

My thoughts are with you
for the aftermath will be
the beginning of an end.

**

In comparison
I shall hold no grudge.

Hello again!

First and foremost, I know it's the 12th now but Happy New Year!

I suddenly had the urge to write. At this very moment, I'm flooded with mixed emotions.


1. Guilt

This is probably the strongest feeling I'm experiencing now. Counting down the days I have left in Melbourne, I know I haven't been moving my lazy bum enough. There are things lying there awaiting me to do, and I'm sorry to say everything is moving.. really slowly. If not for the meet ups with Olga and Juls yesterday and Cousin Peggy during the weekend, I wouldn't have realized how much time has passed in the world outside and how unproductive I have been.

Sigh. I'm a hermit. And the biggest guilt I have is :

That I'm not feeling guilty enough.

**

2. Sad

Or rather, attached. Since I'm leaving Melbourne, and most importantly my house in Eltham. It may not be the nearest place to civilization, but I guess that's its appeal.

When I first came, Eltham is the place I feel most depressed. What with the culture shock and being far from everything else. Yet 3 years have passed, and Eltham is my home. I may not know a whole lot of people, but I seek solace here. I feel secure from the crazy winds or hot airs. outside. I enjoy sipping tea while watching shows from the 1960s. Experimenting easy survival food and enjoying the results in front of YouTube. And sitting by the window when it rains. When I am away from home too long, I feel uncomfortable. I'd travel the distance to come home. I may be with myself a lot, but I'm never alone at home.

All the friendships with the elderly and bus drivers, the lovely town and library, the heritage of this century-old village, all the greenery and all the peace; I'm reluctant to leave. I am tempted to leave them without saying goodbye for it's going to be heavy on my heart- but I shouldn't. Given the care they showered me. To make me feel part of the community. I shouldn't.

And what more, my friends back in Melbourne. Life's going to take a change with us in different continents. But I am relieved by the fact that we'd be bounded by technology and the will to keep in touch. That's much better in comparison to - not being able to see Eltham till I duno when.

Sigh.


**

3. Excited

Because I'm finally returning to Malaysia! To be with my family and fellow buddies To be in my comfort zone. To not have to miss all the festive seasons. To be home.

Though, it's gonna take some time getting used to that old life. New old life.

Talk about multiple culture shocks. Still not good at it.

**

4. Uncertain

Because I just looked up the CFA website and spent the afternoon researching. Undeniably, it is prestigious. But it comes with a tough 4 years ahead (or more? ). 10-15 hours of self-study per week, on top of working hours? 66% fail rate? Close to rare chances of completing it in one attempt? What will become of my life? Will I be able to keep a balance?

All these wouldn't matter if it brings me ultimately to my long term goal.

Most importantly, is my long term goal aligned with this accreditation I'm about to take up? Will I venture into portfolio/asset/investment management in the future?

**
5. Ambitious

Besides career-wise, I still dream to continue my volunteering activities that I chose to give up due to a job. Not that I'm regretting it, for I know with better stability comes better command of the priorities I desire. Have been looking up the disability support services back home, hoping to continue my uni work.

Yet issue #4 means that. This ambition is gonna be tough, to be of high priority. Which leads to #6.

**

6. Annoyed

By the fact that I am not living in a world alone. I co-exist with people and I need to make decisions that are not selfish nor self-centered. Maybe this period of doing-nothing-important has made me live a life like never before - with everything centered around me. I wake up, sleep, eat, go out etc whenever I wish. I'm beginning to feel complacent with this life. It's not exactly the most orderly lifestyle but people bringing in orders now make life frustrating for me. Yet, more clearly than anyone else, I know the orders are necessary, for what I'm living now is not reality. It is temporary.

Hence, am annoyed by the fact that I am annoyed. Which leads to #1.

**
7. Avoidance

It's the ultimate resolution to cope with everything. Like going to bed now.

Sigh.

**

Tomorrow when I wake up I want to feel good.

I need to do something.


PS: inner struggles.

Hehe Thx Double JYs

Jia Yen and Jian Yin, thanks for introducing TAROT recently, through your blog and personal experience respectively :) Haha not forgetting age-old Tarot believer - SARA HO!!!

hahaha I was bored and so I went to this website, do try it!
http://www.free.tarot.reading.net

All I can say is that it answered my questions :)

**

Card 1 (The Tower) : How you feel about yourself now »

You feel that the disruption and sweeping change you are going through, or fear you are about to go through, will be catastrophic. You need to recognise that such upheaval can force new directions that you never dreamed possible. Subconsciously you may have wanted change, but as is often the case, the solution isn't always as we expect. There could be problems relating to your property, or if considering a new property or move, progress will be thwarted.

[Very true. Been discussing with my family these days regarding my future career. As excited and eager I am about the whole change I'm about to experience, I am indeed reminded of all the uncertainties and my expectations; for better or worse]

**

Card 2 (The High Priestess) : What you most want at this moment »

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is for a secret to be revealed, a secret held deep within yourself or another? Go within and listen to your heart and instincts. The appearance of The High Priestess tells you that the power of the divine feminine is with you, trust it.

[Indeed...]

**

Card 3 (The Sun) : Your fears »

You are afraid that things seem too good to be true, so much pleasure and joy - well enjoy it, sometimes we can be pleasantly surprised. If you have been unwell this is a time of rejuvenation and good health. Perhaps you are afraid that things won't actually get better - have faith you are about to enter a happy and pleasurable time. The Sun heralds an ending to difficulties and a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby.

[Exactly how I feel now. I am enjoying myself thoroughly with my family, I don't look forward to them leaving me end of this year! And MY HEALTH, I certainly do hope I will recover soon. This dry cough is killing me and everyone around me! But yes I shall celebrate these good times, especially GRADUATION with friends and loved ones!]


**

Card 4 (The Lovers) : What is going for you »

New love and commitment will enter your life, even if there's no one on the horizon - be prepared for a surprise. Throw caution to the wind and expect joyous and happy times ahead.

[AHHH YES lol /shy/]


**

Card 5 (The Hanged Man) : What is going against you »

You are allowing yourself to be victimised and emotionally blackmailed by others or you're playing the martyr or victim to try and manipulate others. Don't be too materialistic or try and hang onto someone or something for all the wrong reasons. Someone or something has to go, you must find the ability to let go and give this up - don't worry it will turn out for the better for you.

[Yes lately, I've been hanging onto something I should deem insignificant since it's none of my business! And onto something that can't be help :s]


**

Card 6 (The Moon) : Outcome »

Whilst you are confused and fearful and allowing your anxieties to hold you back, trust that all will turn out well in the end. Things may seem tough or confusing but stick with it, its right for you. The Moon is a good omen if you are in a clandestine affair and helps guide us to open our minds to new and unexpected possibilities.

[A good closure to all these mixed feelings :)]


**

YAY maybe I should invest in a proper professional reading like Jian, Hmmmm.

Do try it too!

Tip: Do not be too skeptical about it. The readings may be general but so long you have a specific question/issue in mind, they shall be answered!

Have fun!!!

3rd down

Three down, YAY!

(Bygones, MS, Bygones, think no further!)

Had a great lunch with the gang at our hang-out place "Rice Bar". Planning for 2011's new year countdown even before the last paper! That's how excited we are, YAY :)

Later went to MC's place for X-Box. hehe. Always fun to kick-ass :)

Jian dear joined us for a bit, happy to see her twice in 3 days! YAY! What a record :) Looks like she's really enjoying her post-exam period, indulging herself in cooking and all! Hardly ever home tsk ;).

**

Had McD with Bro for dinner. YUMMY.

Because..

It's CLEANING SPREE FOR TONIGHT! (YAY?)

**

That was a good 3-hours of vacuuming, mopping, scrubbing, bleaching (my favourite XD) and wiping! All rooms, common area, toilet and kitchen!

House is sparkling clean and all GUEST-FRIENDLY now YAY.

**

Ok what next?

Oh yes. Cousin Ying is dropping by Melbourne on the way back to Kuala Lumpur from New Zealand for 4 days (what a mouthful lol). From the 17th till 22nd.

Exams still on but what the heck, it's WARM FAMILY COMPANY. ;) Think before-sleep girly talks! YAY YAY.

**
What next? Bro's watching my all-time-favorite PEARL HARBOUR now!MHmmm maybe I should end the night with a movie too YAY!
**


Can't believe what a YAY-DAY it has been!

*Current Mood: Pink's Raise Your Glass



So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways...

Hyper at 11.16pm.
MS

Happy birthday :)

Dear Sis,

It was your birthday yesterday.

You turned 5, finally!

**
Am still smiling over our conversation:

"So did you make a wish?"

"Yes! Teacher says make a wish before you blow the candles"

"Oh Good! So what wish did you make, can you tell me?"

"Hmm.. what's make a wish?"

**
Oh how you've grown, yet still a little girl.

When you're my age, about to graduate,

I'll be in my mid-thirties!

**

All the same,

I'm thrilled that starting next year

I'll be able to grow up with you

side-by-side again.

**

Be happy always,

how can you not be!

**

Hugs and kisses,

Che.

Time to keep the heater

and bring out the COOLER!

Hot day. Hotter day tomorrow.

**

Done with 2 papers now, yay!

Recipe for a Happy Graduation:

Ingredients
1 Paper of Investment
1 Paper of Audit
1 Cocktail Dress
1 Luggage
1 Graduation Gown

Time:
2.5 months

Instructions
Ensure the two papers are prepared with two tablespoons of
Confidence and Calmness
Mix well and let composition rest when done
NB: Do not stir with Remorse/Split Milk

To get the right Cocktail Dressing
Sieve through 100 Shopping Centres and 1000 Dresses
Season the Cocktail Party
with Make-Up and Hair-Do
and 100ml of Alcohol
(Caution: >100ml kills flavor)
Microwave for Warm Company

Pack 1 Luggage for the Gold Coast
For best results,
sprinkle Relaxation and Enthusiasm
bake under The Sunshine State (33 degrees)
Marinate with generous slaps of Sunscreen
to maintain Texture

Return to Melbourne for Graduation step
Scatter Happiness and Joy
with Family and Friends
Cover with Graduation Gown
before serving with other Graduates
and a dollop of Graduation Pictures
Allow Pride to sink in the mixture

Divide the remaining time among Friends
to serve the Meet-ups and Farewell Platter
Do not add Heavy Heart
Toss Heart lightly over with Memories
Keep intact with Skype and Facebook




**

Smile,

and the whole world stops and stares for awhile.



PS: So long you did your best.

You know it's been a long time..

when a gotong-royong was initiated here! Lol! Thanks guys!

On another note, exams are starting in 2 days.

One part of me: aiya it's your last semester of exams, not unlike the previous, just chill and sail through it.

Another: IT'S YOUR LAST (EVER) SEMESTER OF EXAMS, WHY NOT PUSH YOURSELF TO THE MAX?!

Always a struggle. Always a balance.

I've been sleeping quite early these days, around 11pm (that is now), and setting my alarm at around 4am.

Yes 4am!!! Because I would snooze it every 10 minutes - till 7 am so this mechanical movement of turning towards the phone and clicking the snooze button goes on for 18 times every morning. Not that I ever remember the first 15 times, which is the whole point. But the last 3 ensures I wake up at 7am sharp.

Crazy I know. But this routine proved effective throughout this semester! Lesser incidents of arriving late/missing lectures!

**

Anyway today I learned a valuable lesson about living in moderation. And to haha spend more time minding my own business! And to be more mindful to not get too carried away sometimes! Thank you!

**

And out of spontaneity, I had dinner with Jian dearest and Ken!!! Thank you so much for the dinner and for the watch, Ken! :) A hearty catch-up, always warm <3 you guys! An unusually long train ride home, 1 hour and 10 minutes. Witnessed three "mischievious" scenes - by 3 different people, boarding and departing the train at different stations, at 3 different times. Ah - train rides. Made me thought hard, about them, the people sneering around them, and things I learn today. Moments of reflections.

**

I'm kinda in a semi-worried-semi-it'll-all-work-out mental state. But I must say my stress-ball (or rather anti-stress ball) is my loyal companion during study. People in the library who noticed probably think it's queer to be squeezing the ball while studying (and sometimes letting it roll off resulting in me bending under the table through the many pairs of legs to retrieve it). Oh and not to forget STARBURST gummies. Instant happiness/mood-lifter! Placebos haha.

Exams exams. You're finally here. Let's do it!

Guess I'll sleep now.

Good night!